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| At Ellis Farm - 8x10" - Oil on linen panel |
I seek mastery of paint and canvas, and this seeking involves a lifelong road of learning and striving to be "better". With better being a subjective quality only applicable to me. The outside world plays no roll in my own critique of my skills and the quality of my work. The path of learning is an internal route guided strictly by my own desire and love of creating. It is a bumpy trail at times though.
I have discovered this path is not a smooth flat trail, or even a steady climb, but one filled with valleys, plateaus, and peaks. Learning a new skill or trying to reach a higher level of achievement can seem impossible at the start. You take in what you think you need to know but it seems your skills take a nosedive. Frustration and discouragement is an easy enemy that does in many a student with dreams of an art career. It is the drive of determination, and a certain degree of detachment to results that wins in the end.
Look at learning, or skill building, as a child learning to walk. The toddler does not start off running a marathon but with baby steps and tumbles. Giving yourself permission to fail, over and over again if necessary, will help avoid the discouragement that can lead to giving up.
My own experiences have taught me when I strive to learn a new technique my paintings spend a period of time being suitable only for the fire (the valley). Thoughts like “what am I doing”, “I’m a hack”, “I should get a real job”, are easily heard. I keep a fire extinguisher nearby and tell those voices to go bother someone else and push on. Soon my work returns to where it was before, and a kind of resolve happens (the plateau). “This is my style”, “This is how I’m meant to paint”, “I’m not a master, but my work is good enough”.
It is here where I must remind myself of the path of the toddler learning to walk. While being able to walk is great, it isn’t good enough. I want to run the marathon. I want to take my painting to the level of a master. Then one day out of the blue, when I’m least expecting it, something happens on the canvas, and those skills that seemed so elusive magically appear (the peak). And the process starts all over again trying to reach the next highest peak. It is a journey with no limit....no end.
“The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment.” Earl Nightingale
